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IMPORTANT - PLEASE READ: The following story is intense and not for children under 16 or the squeamish. Please be aware that it contains graphic and
violent scenes. This story is rated "R."
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"All My Fault"
by Anonymous
As Serena quietly closed the door to her gym locker, she vowed that things would be different from now on. What people had been saying to her for years took on new meaning. She really had been a "meatball head" and a crybaby.
Every one of her faults from the past two years came home with a vengeance. Serena barely heard Molly call her name as she went into the hall.
"I'm sorry, Molly, what did you say?"
Molly looked at her with large brown eyes. "Are you okay?" she asked in her broad nasal accent. No amount of coaching from her friends could seem to rid her of her New York origins.
"Sure" replied Serena with a small smile, "Just thinking about a few things."
Molly laughed. "You thinking in school on a Friday afternoon? It must be major!" The laugh disappeared as Serena turn and looked her in the eyes. Molly had never noticed just how deep they ran, or just how blue they really were. It was as if she was seeing her oldest friend for the first time. Serena"
"Yeah, I knowwhat would a ditz like me have to think about?" It was something that Serena would say, but now it seemed somehow forced, unnatural.
Whatever Molly was going to say to her had to wait as they entered the large study hall for their last period of the day. Taking their assigned seats, Serena pulled out a history textbook and opened it. No one would bother her if she appeared to actually be doing her homework. It would give her the time she needed to make a few decisions. In the end, it took more time that the study hall allowed.
Serena was quiet that evening at dinner. When her mother had asked about it, she claimed to have a headache and was excused from her after dinner chores.
Luna observed her with interest as the young girl sat in the window of her bedroom. She had been sitting there, staring at the full moon for with single minded intent for over an hour. The silence was more than her feline derves could bear. She was positively bursting with the curiosity that had killed kill her proverbial relative. Her chance came when Serena gave a loud sigh.
"Luna" she said, still looking at the moon, "People don't take me seriously do they? They think that I'm a total ditz, don't they?"
Normally Luna would have taken the opportunity to give Serena a lecture on her responsibilities, but something inside her held back. "Well, you could be a little more diligent about your duties," was all she finally said.
"It's true, " Serena whispered to herself, "it's all true." There were tears in her eyes as she looked down at the floor. "Well, no more. From now on no one will ever be able to say that about me again."
Luna was concerned. The girls at school must have been teasing her again.
"I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice. I am Serena, Princess of the Silver Millennium." She placed a hand on the locket that contained the Imperium Silver Crystal. The moonlight seemed to enter her, filling her with its
subtle radiance. The crescent moon sigil appeared on her forehead and glowed softly. She spoke as if she had forgotten that Luna was in the room with her.
"Oh, mother, I need you. I wish you were here to show me how to be strong."
Luna leapt into the girl's lap and rubbed against in a catlike manner. Serena picked her up and hugged her. "I'm sorry, Luna, I'm so sorry. All of this is my fault. But no more, never again! I'm going to be strong and capable. No more crybaby, no more wailing no more meatball head." The light from the crystal flared suddenly before retreating back into the locket.
Luna blinked, opening her eyes slowly. She looked up at Serena. The girl seemed different, somehow, more controlled, more like the Princess of the Moon Kingdom. "Thank you for listening, Luna. You help is always
appreciated."
Darien watched from the street below as Serena picked up Luna and moved away from the window. The feeling of anguish that had drawn him here stopped. A moment later, the light in the bedroom went out. He stepped out view, behind a tree and drew out a mystic rose. Instantly, Tuxedo Mask was standing in the spot Darien Shields had occupied only a moment before. With a leap as silent as a cat, he propelled himself into the tree near Serena's window.
He peered into the room, never making a sound. Serena was in her bed, Luna curled up beside her. Everything seemed to be all right. He descended to the street and let his transformation go.
Darien Shields scolded himself for being such a worrywart. His Princess was safe in her own bed in her own home. What ever had pulled him here was
obviously not that serious. The night was growing cold for spring and he pulled his jacket closed as he turned toward home.
In the days and weeks that followed, Luna was not the only one to notice the change in Serena. She seemed to be applying herself to her studies and her grades actually began to rise. She was rarely late anymore, for either school or a meeting at Rei's. Her whole manner was more serious and thoughtful. She was, in short, what everyone had been telling her to be for the past two years.
So why was Luna worried?
There were flashes of the old Serena. A sudden laugh or silly joke would bring a light to her eyes that Luna was beginning to miss. By and large, though, she seemed more mature than Luna had ever hoped for. The only thing that had her concerned was Serena's fixation on the safety of the Tuxedo Mask and the other Sailor Soldiers. When a Youma had injured Jupiter, Serena had
gone deathly pale. Long after the others had told her that it was only some bumps and bruises, Serena had kept apologizing to Lita.
"I'm sorry, this is my fault" she kept saying. "I should have been more careful and you never would have been hurt!"
Lita had laughed and put an arm around Serena's shoulder. "Don't worry so much. We knew the job was dangerous when we took it."
One night ("Why is it always at night?" Mars had grumbled) they were facing a Youma of unknown origin. It was the nightmarish merging of a monitor lizard
and an octopus.
"Jeez!" shouted Jupiter, "This thing has more hands than my last date!"
With skill and teamwork, they had it cornered in an old building. The monster had been grabbing people and draining them of their life energy. With each new victim, it seemed to grow. As it began to run low on it's
store of stolen power, the beast became frantic. If it didn't continue to feed, it would soon dwindle away to nothing.
"Feed! Feed now!" it shouted. Faster than thought it reached out a snake like tentacle and grabbed for the nearest warm body. In this case, Sailor Venus. She gave a startled yell and reached for Sailor Moon as the thing
pulled her to itself.
"I could use a little help here!" she said.
Sailor Moon launched herself at the monster with a cry of rage.
"No!" called Sailor Mars, "Not that way! We have to fight it together!"
Mercury and Jupiter were calling out similar sentiments.
Serena was beyond hearing them. She jumped to where Venus was being held. As the Youma started to drain away Venus's life force, Sailor Moon became more frantic. She called forth her Moon Scepter and instead of powering it up, used it as crude but efficient hammer. The monster howled in unexpected pain and dropped Venus. Sailor Jupiter shot forward and caught her.
"You okay, Mina?" Serena heard her ask. She prepared to make a clean getaway when the Youma snagged her by one ankle. Lifting her up, it smashed her to the concrete flooring below. Sailor Moon was stunned. The Youma
took advantage of that and used it's many arms to pin her firmly to the floor.
Serena could hear the others calling out to her, but couldn't make out their words. The beast lowered it's head until she could feel it's rancid breath on her. A sound like a laugh came from it's throat. As if it was enjoying her pain.
-As if it was enjoying her pain...the cold damp floor beneath herhand holding her down, laughing at her pain..-
The scream that came from Serena's throat was like the sound of trapped animal. All coherent though left her as the overwhelming need to be free gripped her. The silver crystal exploded to life. The others girls were knocked off their feet as the power filled the confined space like a hurricane. The Youma holding Sailor Moon was vaporized to nano-atoms in a fraction of a second. Serena continued to scream, such pain in her voice
that the building seemed to shudder in sympathy around her. Windows were blasted out. Tiles and chunks of plaster fell from the roof above them. Serena was still screaming as the light faded back into her locket. The
sound turned to weeping as the last of the glow disappeared.
The other girls slowly raised their heads, shaking off the dust and debris.
Mars was the first one to her feet. As she helped her friends up, the Sailor Soldiers looked toward the source of the sound. They gazed in stunned silence at the sight before them.
Sitting alone on a floor turned to cloudy glass by the crystal's power was Serena. Not Sailor Moon, but Serena, huddled in a fetal position rocking slowly back and forth. The weeping that came from her was not the usual
undulating wail, but deep, racking sobs of a heart tortured beyond endurance.
Mercury changed back into Amy. She went carefully toward her friend and crouched beside her.
"Serena?" she said in hushed whisper.
"My fault, my fault, my fault" Serena sobbed over and over again.
Amy put a gentle hand on her friends should. Serena raised her head and looked at her with pain haunted eyes. With moan of anguish she put her arms
around Amy and cried as if she couldn't stop. Rei, Lita and Mina came forward and also put their arms around her, as if to protect her.
"My God, Serena." Tuxedo Mask had entered the wreck of a room. He started for his love when she shrieked in a voice that tore at his soul.
"No! Go away, don't touch me! It's my fault, all my fault!"
He stopped in his tracks, shocked beyond words. Rei got up and went to him.
"If you want to help her, just go for now, Darien."
"I can't leave her like this.." He began.
Rei shook her head slowly. "You can't stay right now. I'll call you as soon as I can, but please, go.."
It would have been easier for him to die for her, rather than leave her, but leave her he did. "I love you Serena" he called out as he left, "I love you."
As Rei went back to the huddled group, Serena had almost stopped crying. She still took ragged breathes and shook against the arms of her friends.
Taking Serena from Amy, she held her close and slowly rocked her back and forth. Rei recognized this kind of pain from her own past. She pushed away her own
tears and put her head onto top of Serena's.
"Who did this?" she asked in a soothing voice. "We love you. You're safe with us. We all love you no matter what. You can tell us, who did this?"
"I can't.."
"Yes, you can" said Rei, "Get it out in the open. Keeping this inside you will only hurt more in the end."
She told them. She told them in a flat voice, devoid of emotion. She had been the last one, as always, to finish her shower after gym. She was running late and didn't really pay attention to the voices in the locker room. She had just finished putting on her underwear when the closed curtain was ripped open. Before she could react, Serena was on the cold, concrete floor. The floor was still damp as two boys she recognized as Brad and Jeff held her down. One of them shoved his forearm into her mouth to keep her from screaming. She bit at his sweatshirt-covered arm as hard as she could, but to no avail. They laughed as she screamed and struggled. One of them pulled down her panties and invaded her analy with his finger. The other pulled down his pants and forced his male member onto her face. They laughed and told her that she should be enjoying this. This is what all real girls liked. She must be gay not to like it. Two of the "popular" girls laughed like hyenas as the boys groped at her.
"They told me that I better not say anything about this. That no one would believe me because I was a ditz and a nobody. That they would do it again someday when they wanted to and I would like it." Serena's voice broke at the end and she began to weep once more. The pain was shared this time as her closest friends wept with her. How long they stayed like that, no one could tell. Rei finally broke the silence.
"It's not your fault." She said, emphasizing each word.
Serena only shook her head. "It is! It is my fault! Don't you understand? I should have known that there was trouble when I heard the boy's voices in the locker room! If I wasn't such a ditz I would have been on time and they wouldn't have had the chance! This is all my fault! I should have been stronger!"
"It's not your fault! It's not!" said Mina, "Oh my God, Serena, why didn't you tell us sooner?"
Lita growled like wolf threw her tears. "I'll kill them, all four of them!"
"We love you Serena. It's going to be okay. We'll get through this together." Came Amy in a comforting tone.
"No, pleasedon't do anything, Lita. Please promise me you won't do anything." Serena put her face in her hands. "I just want it to all go away. I'll just die if everyone knows."
Rei pulled Serena's hands away. "You have nothing to be ashamed off." She said gently. "But we'll do what you want. If you want us to not tell anyone, then that's the way it'll be. There is something, though you have
to do for us." When Serena didn't reply she continued on. "I know what you're going through. Do you know why I live with my Grandfather? My father.."
Serena eyes widen even more. "You mean, your Father did that?"
Rei nodded slowly. "When I was younger, after my mother died. It was a long time ago and now I know that it wasn't my fault. There's a doctor I want you
to talk to Serena. She helped me afterI came to live with my grandfather."
Serena shook her head no, but Rei continued. "She'll never tell anyone anything you say! But you have to get help for this or it'll eat you alive. She can help stop the pain, trust me, she can."
Serena didn't say anything for a few minutes, but stayed within the protection of her friend's embrace. "Darien.." She finally managed to say. "I can't tell him, he'll hate me."
"Oh Serena, he could never hate you." Said Mina. "Do you want one of us to tell him for you?"
The relief that washed over her face was visible to all. "Oh God, yes, please. Rei, could you, please, do it?"
Rei took her hand and looked her in the eyes. "Of course."
After they had taken Serena home and seen to it that she was safely in bed and sleeping, Rei called Darien and asked him to come to the Cherry Hill Temple. It was no surprise that he was all ready waiting for her when she arrived home. In even tones Rei told him what had happened to Serena. She remained calm as he had the expected reaction. Rei let him rant on about how he was going to painfully disembowel the two boys responsible.
"Are you done" she asked.
"Not nearly" he growled in reply.
"Look, I know that no matter what I say, you're going to do something. All I ask is that you think about Serena first. This isn't about you, it's about her." She looked him in the eyes. Darien could see that fire that burned
there. "If you do anything, I repeat, anything to make this harder for her, and I will personally and without regret, see you burn to ashes."
Darien though long and hard about what Rei had said. The idea of slowly killing Brad and Jeff was appealing, but unrealistic. Still, he had to somehow avenge his one true love. When the idea settled in mind, he knew it
to be the one that would work.
It was only two days later when his chance came. Brad and Jeff had decided to cut the last class of the day and were taking the quietest route away from school. This involved going through the woods that abutted the football field. They were halfway through the forest when a masked invader jumped them. With causal ease he backhanded the larger of the two boys to the
ground. The smaller, Jeff, he picked up by his shirtfront and slammed him against the nearest tree. As Brad stumbled to his feet and lunged for the black clad man, Darien kicked him in the stomach. Brad fell to the ground without a sound. He turned his attention back toward Jeff. Jeff was sweating heavily at this point. The man was dressed in black from head to toe. He seemed to be wearing some kind of armor and a mask obscured his face.
"I'm only going to say this once, so listen." The voice was deep and full of menace. "I am the guardian of the girl you violated, Serena. If you so much as look in her direction again, I will know." A rose was suddenly in his hand. With a nonchalant flick of the wrist it flew to the ground and imbedded itself between Brad's legs. "And I will take great pleasure in doing to you what you did to her." He released Jeff who fell to the ground
with a thud. "I will be watching you." The masked man seemed to disappear into the surrounding woods like the mist at dawn.
Neither boy moved for a moment. When all was quiet again, Brad came to his feet. "Well, up yours, masked man.." He said when he judged that the man
was gone. "I'll do what I want and you can't"
Brad didn't complete his sentence. A rose with a stem sharper that a dagger flew past his cheek, scratching it.
"I will be watching you." The voice seemed to be everywhere and nowhere all at once. Jeff and Brad beat a hasty retreat, never looking back. The voice carried on the wind and chased them. "I will be watching you, both."
Serena sat alone in the small dimly lit room wondering if this was such a good idea after all. The door opened and a kindly looking woman of middle years entered. She sat down opposite Serena and smiled warmly. "Hello
Serena, I'm Diane." She said "I understand a mutual friend sent you to me for a little help."
Serena wanted to run from the room, but held her seat, "Yes" she finally said, "I need to learn to be stronger."
Diane smiled again at the frightened girl. "The fact that you are here means that you all ready have a good deal of courage."
Her next words surprised the Moon Princess, "You are strong, Serena. More than I think you know."
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I know that this story is raw and sometimes brutal. It's supposed to be. Sexual assault is not about love or even sex. It's about power. This kind of violence happens to too many young girls and women. If you know someone
who has been sexual molested, please tell them as often as you can that it's not their fault. Tell them until they believe it. If you are a woman who has been sexually assaulted there are many wonderful and supportive groups out there to help you. You are not alone.
Remember - they may have hurt your body, but they can't touch your soul.
In the end, I have won because I have survived. You can too.
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Note from Nasuko: the author wants to remain anonymous. And I will repect her decision. If you wish to email her, I may consider forwarding the email. MAY CONSIDER. No promises. And the little 'poem' in between the pictures was written by me, but I was inspired by this author.
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